Who the boss?

Livejournal? That isn't cool anymore!

Alas, I've made my return to livejournal, finally changing my password to match the passwords of all my other online accounts. To be honest, I'm really just trying to do some homework, and I wanted something to do while I was waiting for the windows to load. Me? Everything is fine, good. I've been in the mood to help and make others feel good lately, especially my mom. I just think about her life, it's kind of lonely. She's got one good friend. She likes to play the mandalin, and go on ebay. Then she sits around with my dad all day, they don't have much conversation. So I've been trying to talk more with her lately. Do more things with her lately. She took Nick and I out to breakfast friday. I was sick, so obviously not much was said but the gesture was really nice. Today I helped her rake the leaves. But it's like once I start talking to her she doesn't want to stop. And I wish I wanted to listen, I wish that I could sit and listen, but most of the time I have many other things going on. I don't know what to do about it. I just want to make her happy.

I'm also concerned with my dad. He's having a very difficult time at school this year. I mean he's not really getting along with Mrs. Travis, or with his students for that matter. Plus he's getting really overweight (the doctor weighed him in at 250lbs yesterday), and all he does is sit in front of the computer and eat huge rations of food. He doesn't do any physical activity. He could get on the treadmill, the exercise bike, go for a walk, rake the damn leaves (as yardwork is generally the responsibility of the man of the house), anything. But he doesn't. Infact right now while I'm on the computer what is he doing? He's on his laptop. I can't stand it. I don't want to damage him or hurt his feelings, but someone needs to intervene. I just wish I could do it in a motivational way, but I don't know how to and it ends up making me really angry.

Then lately there's boorah. The boy, I mentioned that whole male anorexia thing? Well for like the last two weeks nearly every other day I've bent my back to get him something to eat (and at those fast food places, I don't buy myself anything). Apparently he was at 173 when he got on my scale a few days ago. But it's making me bad because he's starting to look to me as someone to depend on not only for food but for his general entertainment. Ok, his power is off. Let's all keep it real. So we can't chill at his house. About twice a week he findango's us into his mom's house so we can watch a movie in joey's room or whatnot. But basically, especially since his grandma is visiting, he's looking for me to entertain him. I'm not about to spend my money on us going somewhere, especially when he always acts funny anything. So what are we stuck doing? Either sitting in my car freezing our asses off in this cold as weather. Or sitting in my car, using up all my gas trying to keep warm. Now from Boorah's perspective this probably isn't so bad. He could either be in his house doing absolutely nothing productive with his family around, or he could be sitting in the car with me doing absolutely nothing productive with a hot piece of ass next to him. For me on the other hand it's hell. I could be at home working out, studying, watching tv, be on the computer, talk on my cell phone, go hang out with one of my friends, spend time with my family. But no, instead I chill with him, buy him food, and make the risk of getting a cold a lot higher. But the thing is I do want to hang out with him. But he hasn't been working, so he's been broke, and even when he has money the only thing he wants to do with it is smoke. And like I said, I kind of feel that me supplying him food and stuff is taking away from his hunger to work. But I don't like to see him so skinny. I'd much much rather feed him. I just don't know what to do because I once again have animosity building towards him, but at the same time I really love him and wish HIS situation was different so him and I could have a good time.

Besides that, yada yada, that to a couple guys. One in particular is really nice, but I don't know how i feel about him. Tori owes me money and is bullshitting which is majorly pissing me off. Oh... and I fucking saw Gabe yesterday at home depot. Boy did I fuck up with him. He's fucking fine as hell, I mean, whoa. I mean seriously. I saw him, didn't recognize him, but my normally strategy is not to really pay guys attention. I looked this boy dead in his sexy gorgeous eyes and took his return, even though I'm not returns (and it was for a $300 drill he bought in cash) and then he said something to me about switching from 7 mile and meyers. So I recognized him. And I melted. Then I asked how he was doing and he said he had a girlfriend :(. Boooooo he's too fine. Fuck. But I fucking took the cell phone number he wrote on that receipt paper and I put that shit right into my phone.... I might wait. I might wait to see if he returns to the Depot. If not in maybe about two months I'll just mysteriously, accidentally call his fine ass and force rape him. That would be great.....

So there is a boy who worked at home depot very briefly. The very last day I saw him there I gave him my number and he mentioned something about the movies or whatever. Sooo I didn't see him for a week. Well the day he went up there to officially quit, he stopped by my register and was like "hey, we're still gonna do that." I thought that it was so sweet of him to do that. I didn't see him stop past anyone else and talk, so yeah. Anyway he sent me texts and talked on the phone and we got a chance to hang out on Monday. We didn't chill for two long, but we basically went to belle isle and got drunk and talked. He put $20 in my gas tank, and bought the liquor (which was another $20). He seems very sweet and very interested in me and making sure that I'm ok. Today we might go out to the movies. I think he's a really nice guy and he seems really sweet and he's not the hottest of guys but he is cute, and NaVarsha said she thought he was cute. The only thing I saw that I didn't like was what he was wearing. His pants were... not as loose as I'd prefer them to be and his shirt was a little bit small. But I mean, that's something that I can change myself with time.

Now my only problem is boorah. I've spent the past month or so trying to work on things with us. But while I've seen him kind of have a steady income flow, things really aren't getting better. He's losing even more weight and it scares me. I invited him over this morning (since everyone was gone) and he weighed 168lbs! Dude, I weigh 20lbs less than him and yet he's got me by 10inches. He needs to gain a good 30lbs in my opinion. It scares me a lot, and I know most people would think that it's ridiculous for me to assume, but I think he might have an eating disorder. Add that on to the fact that he barely gets the opportunity to eat often. I don't know. Plus he mentioned something about this high school completion program but I haven't seen him get details for it. Plus he still owes me $25 on the phone bill.... So as you can see it's the same old same old. And Ron (the guy I was talking about) seems really great, I don't want to let my remaining feelings for Boorah stand in the way of what could be a potentially really good relationship. So I don't know what to do.

I feel like I whored myself out the last couple of months. No more of that. No more having sex with people the first night I meet them and then blaming it on being too fucked up to make rational judgments. That's how people get sick and that's how people die. And I don't want to be one of them. And of all of my "men" that I felt I had chasing me around, none of them are around now. Boorah is right when he let me know that they really are interested in me for only one thing. So basically I've been stuck with Boorah. And when things are going good, they are good. And when things start to get the slightest bit bad, I just start crying so that i can avoid any big confrontation or physical dispute... as I did with his drunken ass last night. Um but as far as that goes, I'm just gonna try to hold myself to higher standards. Courting and shit like that.

School is going half-way decent. It could be much much better, but then again, it could be a whole lot worse, so there's no reason for me to complain.

A lot has happened this past week. I talked to Darnell one day. I actually got a hold of fucking Tori, who still remembers that he owes me money. Hung out with Rebecca and Heather. Um what I'm most excited for is Tia's party tomorrow. I have to pass for 32. I'm probably gonna go with this girl from work, Linda because she's 33 so it looks like I'm going with someone my own age. Of course Tori thinks he's gonna go. Whatever. Anyway, tonight I'll probably chill with Heather and she can help me get ready for this party and smoke some blunts. Boorah has been a complete asshole lately. Um school starts in two weeks. I'm excited and that's about it.

Livejournal is kind of lame now

So as some of you may remember, XUQA used to be my FAVORITE website. Yeah, they totally fucked that shit up. The blogs are gone... now it's just like chat rooms. And it's basically this popularity contest where depending on how many kisses you've received and friends you have you will reach a certain level. Yeah I'm a six, one level away from being an XUQAlebrity. Lame as hell.

Anyway I'm working today and tomorrow. Tomorrow's plans are kind of jumbled. NaVarsha wants me to go to this reception party, which I can if it's in the daytime. I'm also supposed to take Rebecca with me to Philly Phils party. So I don't really know what's going on. And Monday my parents are going on vacation.

They fired some more cashiers at Home Depot. In a week we've basically lost four cashiers- Terrie got fired, Amber (thank fucking goodness) stopped showing up, and they just got rid of Akira and Christina. That means the hours won't be too too cut this winter, which is a good thing.

I'm very happy at the way I've been eating lately. For those of you who didn't know, I'm trying to lose 10lbs before school starts and I've successfully lost 5 so far. Of course the first five are always the easiest to lose anyway. I did slip up yesterday and completely pigged out late night on some white castle. But hey you have to treat yourself every once in a while. But that's the key, making it only once in a while and not every day.

Got the day off. My plan is to make a few phone calls and see what's happening probably walk barkley, lift weights, maybe go on a bike ride. basically spend the day working out.

I actually had a pretty good day yesterday. I pretty much chilled at home, ate dinner with my parents. I talked to Rachel on the phone for probably about a good hour and a half and spent most of it venting about Boorah. It's really funny because I wasn't really feeling stressed about him too much, but I guess once I started talking a lot of the bottled up stuff just came out. Oh well, it felt good to talk about it with someone, and it kept me from venturing to his house. Then I decided it was time for me to get tipsy so I bought a little half pint of Skyy from the liquor store. Drank that and went to the bowling alley. A whole bunch of people that I'd never really think of hanging out with from work were there. But I had an excellent time. I was by far the worst bowler.... but I did manage to get two strikes. And I had a lot of fun. The only thing is I wonder about if I was too rambunctious cuz I was a little drunk and no one else really was. Julius and his daddy came out too, so that was fun. Then of course after that I went to by a blunt and somehow ended up at Boorah's house. it was great though cuz as soon as my blunt was done I just got up and left. And he was totally like, why are you leaving? And I just said I was playing him how he plays me. I don't know I think at that point I was just drunk and tired and really wanted to go to sleep.

Anyway Boorah has already managed to piss me off today. It's like he can't even force himself to treat me with some curtesy and respect. He's just real hateful. So whatever. I don't know, I'm gonna ignore him. Because I keep finding out that the more I hang with other people, the happier I am, and the more I'm around him, I'm miserable.

It's sooooooo funny to me how people can take completely random things and TRY to make a connection out of them. A connection that's completely out of their ass, and is no where logical.

I've been spending a lot of time lately working. If I have less than 40 hours I look for some opening where I can come in and work. I really need my money. If anyone wants to rent me out as a hooker for top dollars, let me know.

I went to Snookers briefly last night rather than going to Tonic. Tia, NaVarsha, creepy ass Renaldo, and Brandon Bott showed up. It was a cool little chill time. It was nice to be able to go somewhere and talk. Yeah, but I'm majorly getting the impression Brandon has a crush on me, and that's totally not going down. Sorry, you're a really great guy, but um what do I start with? You're not black? lol

I trimmed my own nails with a dremil yesterday and did an excellent job. Take that Koreans.

My mom got me a purse from target, that is actually really cute, for less than $8. Mom is great!

I'm not a ho and I'm not a liar. So yeah, I'd appreciate it Boorah if you'd stop calling me that. I stopped long ago putting Boorah down because I learned quickly that it wasn't going to improve anything between us and that it wasn't going to push him to better himself. Now I just wish that he'd figure out the same thing. It's just really stressful and frustrating when you have a person who fails to believe ANYTHING you say and will not listen to your point of view. Hell, he won't listen period. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out.... I mean we aren't together, haven't been together, so why do I stick around and still put up with this shit?

I gave up on LeMario. I don't even want to talk about it. All I can really say is my feelings were a little hurt, I guess I did like him and it hurt to show that he wasn't willing to really put a lot of effort into pursuing something with me. So whatever.

Haven't talked to Tori in over a week. Great, so when he gets his money he is MIA. Figures.